Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in alisayuh's LiveJournal:

Saturday, September 3rd, 2005
8:54 pm	i got drunk and i fucked him to forget you, but when i woke up with him next to me i felt disgusting and sick and pathetic...i just sent you an "im" and i guess she has finally won and taken you away from me.........i guess you can say im a slut but i would have been your slut..but i wasnt good enough..i'm tired of dreaming about you...im tired of feeling useless and that i wont find love again...i am beginning to think you left me because i was too fat..i dunno..all these insecurities that i thought were gone are returning and i hate it.......i dont think it would hurt as bad if you werent so..so nice...god i wish you were an asshole, it would just make me feel a whole lot better.. if i keep saying i hate you........it might come true but deep down you know i still love you .. even if im a worthless lying whore (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 28th, 2005
7:27 pm	hes talking to me about that whore the fucking girl who took him away from me and im supposed to care that he cant see her? yes im still angry and hurt about it, we were supposed to last. he and i were supposed to wake up in each others arms. god i hate him so much and he doesnt even know and i promised him a long time ago that i wouldnt ignore him like i did everyonelse im angry really angry at myself for not be able to let him go... alisayuh (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 5th, 2005
9:57 pm	thinking of you makes me sad and i hate that and so i hate you..i hate you for making me feel like you could live without me and it wouldnt matter if i left tonight...why did i let you grab my heart like this? why didnt i just ignore you and let you go and i dunno i proboly wouldnt be depressed i proboly would have never started to cut myself..its all because of you bradley....how does that feel does it feel great gosh i hope it does because someone needs to feel ..haha we broke up atleast a month ago and im just now crying about it?i am pathetic i want someone to love me again ..i thought you were and i were gonna make it thought you know id wake up next to you every morning with our little girl waking us up..i thought we were happy.....i hate boys..... </3alisayuh Current Mood: emo
Tuesday, May 10th, 2005
9:02 am	what i want to say to you but i cant becuase i dont want to decide your life. you asked me why i was worried, because i dont trust you and her and something in me says i shouldnt..im sorry maybe its because i just dont like the possiblity of you realizing how disgusting i really am and how perfect you would be with her and the worst part of this is that i didnt even become psycho gilrfriend until i moved here because you say i have changed so have you brad you arent the same but what can i say people do i just wish you would stay in IL and i come back and you and i were normal again ...thats all i want to just be us again but we cant i bore you and you are just to scared to say it i cry everynight when we get off the phone because i am scared that you will just say alicia i dont love you anymore and i need to move on i jusy love you so much brad and i want to be with you but im so scared of losing you so scared..what am i supposed to do how can i just relax? Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 7th, 2005
9:50 pm	My Heart Is The Worst Kind Of Weapon" I spent most of last night dragging this lake for the corpses of all my past mistakes sell me out- the jokes on you we are salt- you are the wound empty another bottle and let me tear you to pieces this is me wishing you into the worst situations i'm the kind of kid that can't let anything go but you wouldn't know a good thing if it came up and slit your throat your remorse hasn't fallen on deaf ears rather ones that just don't care because i know that you're in between arms somewhere next to heartbeats where you shouldn't dare sleep I'll teach you a lesson for keeping secrets from me take your taste back peel back your skin and try to forget how it feels inside you should try saying no once in a while oh once in while (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 20th, 2004
6:30 am	i wasnt made love to i was fucked he and i both know that (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 19th, 2004
6:23 am	what still havent figured out why i have this one but w/e it doesnt matter anyway does? just didnt wanna be under the watchful eye anymore. why does he always do something stupid around my period? he knows hes doing something wrong cause he doesnt casually bring it up!.........the cards were right (Comment on this)